Saturday, March 04, 2017

2017 Maine * The Cosmos * March 4

One may understand the cosmos, but never the ego; 
the self is more distant than any star. 
~G.K. Chesterton


Minus four degrees whisked by a wind chill for a frigid winter day in Maine.  No nature walk today!  A weak sun occasionally peaks through the grey clouds, but adds none of its distant warmth to this colorless day.  It is Saturday.  I awakened slowly this morning, remaining tucked between my cozy French linen sheets for a while and savoring the comfort.  I take a few moments to be come centered and focus to carry this balance into the conscious existence of the day.  A quick video call from my granddaughter put me in a happy mood for a moment.  Then she hung up .. without warning .. off to do some adventure of the moment. 

She is just six after all.

Still snuggled, I catch up on evening texts from my brother.  He was watching the movie “Arrival” again; a complex sci-fi film where a linguist is basically the savior of Earth and the aliens bring knowledge instead of war.  Texting quickly, we rush off in a discussion of theories of language effects on the brain and multiple language approaches.  “The Sapir Whorf Hypothesis states that the immersion in a foreign language actually rewrites your brain”, he texts,  “ – Linguistic Relativity – as can be done with math as well.” To which I respond that math is, of course, a language.   I share that when I am speaking in a foreign language and my mind hiccoughs over a needed, but momentarily forgotten, word, it automatically seeks a similar-meaning word in the next language (I am tri-lingual).  My brother comments, referring to the Ur-language hypothesis: “Inferring cognitive differences based on linguistic differences can become a circular argument.  Because different languages rely on different cognitive patterns and routes, some less linear than others.  That’s where [the movie] gets the concept of time and relativistic theory, and while it’s highly unreliable at this point, it makes a lot of sense.  Although they made it up for the movie, people are starting to investigate it with weight and import.” 

Yes, these are how our texting conversations often run.

Meanwhile, as I wait for his responses, I am off watching Carl Sagan YouTube videos.  Compilations of “Ten Times Carl Sagan Blew Our Minds”.  Now I’m off on a science and spiritual contemplative hour.  Language, science, spirituality, the cosmos, and Life.

No surprise that I run across Liz Gilbert a bit later in the morning, touting the importance of self-love:

Go outside and look up at the sky, and know that you came from atomic stardust, from worlds that exploded billions of years ago. Look at a tree, and know that you are part of nature's endless story, and remember, as Chief Seattle said, "We know that sap which courses through the trees as we know the blood that courses through our veins."

Find that knowing.

I glance around and focus on my paja-toquilla hat (called “Panama” hat) hanging on the wall.  It reminds that I was in Ecuador just a couple weeks ago, but those two and a half weeks seem like months.  Since the abrupt return from my South American trip, I have been occupied mostly with caring for my 90-year old mother (who had contracted pneumonia and was very sick in the hospital – hence my early homecoming).  My older brother had born the weight of most of her care and visits, so I hoped to give him some relief as well.  My father, 90, is also struggling with health issues.   

Between visits, I try to be with my daughters and grandchildren as much as possible, but to small avail.  I am also attempting to organize my present personal life: what I am doing, where I am going, what are my dreams and plans?   

Here am I – as many friends are -- pin-balling amidst contemplation and tasks of the beginning, the middle, and the end of Life.  Such in-my-face thoughts have me swirling in a dense murk.

A cup of coffee and a pale yellow primrose keep me company as I write.  The pale sun fades even more behind the snow-spitting clouds and does not invite me outside into this bleak day.   

Quietly I sit here in my room, alone in the house, and ponder Life and the Cosmos.


~



Tuesday, February 07, 2017

2017 Ecuador * Decision * February 7

"To decide is to make peace within and let the chips fall where they may."
~Lisa Tabak


Cuenca, Ecuador


Special coffee, alone, at Sajsana and time to avoid thinking or doing much. Boredom and depression. Seems like now I'm just biding time to get home. Although home will not be better. Gray days both and cold versus warm.  


After a FaceTime with Mom yesterday and today, I have adjusted various flights and reservations in order to go home this week. I leave Monday and arrive Tuesday afternoon. (My flight is actually five past midnight in Tuesday morning and with layovers it will take the two days). 


Mom is wearing down. Over a week in the hospital now.  Heart and back issues, and pneumonia.  She puts a strong face on when I video-call, but I can tell.  Around her eyes are red-purple and sunken. She's dehydrated, terribly bruised where testing is done, she is not sleeping, eating or drinking fluids much at all.  She doesn't get up except to the bathroom with nurses help and she refuses OT.  My brothers say she is ok and shares that the medical staff considers that she is improving, but my observations and my intuitions convey otherwise.  


I'm going home. A month early, yes … but going. 


Actually once I had arrived here in Ecuador I wasn't excited anyway.  I usually am very eager when I travel.  It is not where I really wanted to be.  I have been here and it is fine, yes .. but if someone is looking for lots of sun and warmth, it is not here in these beautiful mountains. This is a nice, temperate spot, fairly clean and convenient for a  small South American city with wonderful variety .. but .. it is not my spot for now.  


My plans had been firm to visit the Pacific beach at Puerto Lopez for a week, then the my host family (from my teens) in Guayaquil - for what would have been probably my final visit with the mother who is 88 - but that is changed now. I need to get home to my own mother.   I am procrastinating telling my host sister because I know they will try to talk me into a quick visit before I leave. It would be too rushed and complicated. No, gracias, no puedo ya. 


Besides the consideration of my mother’s situation, I am intuiting big changes this coming year.  My grandson growing so fast, my daughter moving out of state, my granddaughter flourishing and in school now, my parents slipping away slowly at 90, and there is a need for me to exam where I am personally after eight years of single life and nearly three years without regular employment.  




In the courtyard below me as I sit and ponder in this wide, soft chair at Sajsana, there is a little girl about five years old, running around and dancing on the stone tiles. Her arms are flying in the air, her curly hair bounces with energy, and the joy on her face of just being alive and enjoying freedom is wonderful!  A traditional Ecuadorian ballad plays in the background. She reminds me of my beloved granddaughter on this day, her sixth birthday, when I cannot be with her.  Just the momentary thought of her is a small joy in this gray day. 


Suddenly the Andean sun breaks through the clouds in an attempt to cheer me.  Heavy white and gray clouds disintegrate to reveal a brilliant cerulean sky.  A single pigeon sits atop the brick toned tiled roof basking in the rays of sun. Behind me the massive cathedral stands sentinel over us all.  And the twirling girl in the pink dress soars on. 




More photos on Facebook:  Photos: 2017 Ecuador to Maine


 ~


My friends Dee & Scott have visited Cuenca a few years now for weeks at a time.  
Scott writes for Cuenca High Life and expresses the trials of being 6'6" in a community created by and for smaller people:

Dee's photo as we wait for the bus.  This sweet Indigenous lady came up to my waist.

Friday, February 03, 2017

2017 Ecuador * Away * February 3

"… Now the sun
Is once again nearing the horizon, and the days
Of my life are shortening, and I dream of the things
That once made me feel so alive..."

~ Greg Barden, from Ballet on the Beach


Away

Mom is back at MMC again after one night home.  Usually I'm at peace when she has a medical episode ... she always bounces back so quickly ... but this one feels different. I keep trying to get my emotions centered.   

My granddaughter’s birthday this week. She’s six.  I am missing my grandson, too, who is growing so fast.  Besides lamenting all this, I'm having trouble getting involved in interesting things to do this time here in Cuenca. I enjoy long hikes, activities, and hanging with my gringo roomies here, but I crave more variety and time with locals to improve my personal Spanish and experiences.

I had planned to spend a week at a beach at Punto Lopez and then a few days in Guayaquil, but I have misgivings now, as my mother’s health is slow to improve. What does make the coastal visit essential is that it will probably be the last time to visit my host mother (of my first visit in 1972); knowing that after this visit I probably won't make it a priority to come back to Ecuador for a while.    

So much is beautiful here but on the list of pros and cons I am making, my sentiment is leaning away from return here any time soon. 

I continue to struggle against depression and often feel I’m without ambition or goals. Not sure if it's my age or something else…  this does not usually occur when I travel.

And then, serendipitously, there's the enlightening moment as I sit atop the Inca ruins of Pumapungo hill, above the rivers, where the air is fresh, with a soft breeze, a warm caressing sun, and the city sounds are so far below.  Near perfection.



 Facebook photo album 2017 Ecuador #2: 


Ecuador still a top retirement place info: 



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Monday, January 30, 2017

2017 Ecuador * Pendulum * January 30

“Simple can be harder than complex: 
You have to work hard to get your thinking clean to make it simple. 
But it’s worth it in the end because once you get there, 
you can move mountains.” 
~Steve Jobs
Cuenca, Ecuador

Sajsana Restaurante, Cuenca, Ecuador
Things are not always as they seem...

Today I am spending some time alone.  I need solitude to think, to write, and to examine my self and life. I haven't had much of a chance to do that yet.

Sometimes lately it seems my mind is not working as well, as clearly, as it used to. It seems that my drive to plan and organize and get things done it's just not effective. Is that my age? Or is it just my present relaxed situation?  Of course, if I were home in Maine,  I would be, most probably, depressed. The lack of gumption along with that cold gray weather would pull me down even deeper.  At least here there are wonderful sensory inputs and decent weather.

I have some life choices to make - and at this point I feel rather indecisive. I'm here “checking out” Ecuador - again. I DO like the weather and the diversity of people here, but there are things that are disquieting to me.  When the sun is out it is absolutely perfect weather, clear air, fluffy clouds, and fresh breezes coming down the green-banked rivers.    

With good choices one can live here very inexpensively.  A bus ride across town is only 25 cents and many restaurants offer good meals for around $5.  The great majority of people are very friendly and overall it is a safe city.   


Flip the coin and realize that downtown the streets are gray with the settled bus diesel fumes and volcanic stone dust from the cobblestones.  Dogs wander free, many are stray, and often get hurt in traffic.  I am able, temporarily, to live with the contradictions, but it can get wearing.  

 Later this year I plan to check out Europe more seriously to make a decision as to where to spend more time.  Can one also live inexpensively there making the right choices?  Sometimes it would just be nice to have somebody to make a decision for me ..  but I know that's not appropriate at this point.  

I have started a list of pros and cons to help me make a decision.  Activities and involvement would help.

This morning I went to inquire about possibly working with staff and professors at the Catholic University to improve their English.  It will not work for me.  They need people for at least six weeks.  At least I made a couple good contacts and some good information.  I have checked the possibility of teaching Spanish to ex-pats, or art classes, or various other activities.  My problem:  I do not have the length of time to commit now.  I have met many foreigners who have settled here:  some love it and plan to stay, others stay for a few months or years and then decide to return to their home. 

I have arranged my life to travel for these few years.  I explore and seek new places and experiences.  I search for a home where I feel I truly belong.  I love this investigation.  Then my heart feels tugged:  back to Maine to my grandchildren, to my aging parents, to my friendships and familiar activities.  Plus I am experiencing a growing tedium of doing it alone.

The tick-tack of that multi-ball pendulum swings – back and forth, thoughts and feelings, decision and indecision, yes or no, to come or go.

I fall into a moment of frustration, of disillusionment, when I realize: "I don't really want to be here" … then, suddenly *BAM* … the mountains and rivers leap into my consciousness and lick my face with the joy of an exuberant puppy.




~


Wednesday, January 25, 2017

2017 Ecuador * Cuenca Musings * January 25

"Cuenca, con justicia declarada Patrimonio Cultural de la Humanidad, 
es una de las ciudades ecuatorianas que conserva 
más vivo el patrimonio de su pasado antiguo." 



Cuenca – a varied, diverse, eclectic city in the Andes.  From the very first time I visited, at age 25, it has held a special spot in my heart.  When the sun smiles on the rivers and the mountains are crowned with dramatic clouds, it is beautiful.



Indigenous and Spanish heritage locals along with foreigners and expats create a wonderful international ambiance.  Most of the people are so friendly and helpful and community-oriented.  Yes, a few expats clump together, but many make good efforts to be involved in life around here..   
 
Birds sing, the rivers symphonize, soft breezes and cleansing quick rains add percussion to the symphony; humans add accents with voices, car beeps, and occasional celebratory fireworks.



Living costs are so reasonable .. do I really want to go elsewhere?  It is something I am re-examining at this time. Yes, Europe has great history, food, and my heart, but Cuenca has life and diversity, mountains, rivers, and sun that fill the soul.


 
                                               Facebook photo album:  2017 Ecuador #1
 



Sunday, January 22, 2017

2017 Ecuador * Doubt in Paradise * January 22

I soon realized that no journey carries one far unless, 
as it extends into the world around us,
 it goes an equal distance into the world within.  
~Lillian Smith



“What am I doing here?” 
 

The dusky pre-dawn light struggles to reach my bedroom window that is at the bottom of cinderblock well between buildings. The insipid light barely touches me as I lie in my bed and wonder again:  What am I doing here?



I arrived in Ecuador a couple days ago and this morning is my first in Cuenca, high in the beautiful Andes Mountains.  I stir in my bed, slowly waking.  Doubt often waits for these quiet moments, when consciousness is not quite full, to pounce upon me, like a bothersome cat that jumps on your bed to stick its face in yours and aggravate your final moments of sleep.  The best thing to do is take a couple of slows deep breaths, brush the creature off your bed, get up, and move. 



Yes, my friends, there are doubts even in paradise.



Once I do begin to move the dawn fully lights the sky and my ears open to hear the lilting songs of the birds and the roiling melody of the mountain river, then life returns to my heart.  Doubt slinks away to its shadowy corner and joy filters in.  A cup of coffee adds a boost.



I am in Cuenca, Ecuador, a mid-size city, veined with five rivers flanked by greenbelts, dotted with manicured green parks and lively markets of various sizes and wares.  The city is safe, friendly, alive, and eclectic.  Local people of Spanish and indigenous heritage intermix with a sizeable “gringo” (foreigner) population.  Buildings represent styles from colonial to modern.  City sections are run-down, under construction, traditional and comfortable, or shiny new with a foreign influence.  



Increasingly, the day becomes bright and clear.  The sunlight lifts my spirit and the river waters soothe my soul.  The mountains in the near distance offer peace.  To live here is to experience all these varied things .. these soul-enriching aspects of the city … and the people .. the remarkably diverse people. 



So my pre-dawn question is answered: THIS is what I am doing here – I am exploring the assortment of people, earth offerings, and new experiences.   

I am encountering Life.





Facebook photo album:  2017 Ecuador #1

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Saturday, January 21, 2017

2017 Ecuador * Mountain Fog * January 21

“All journeys have secret destinations of which the traveler is unaware.” 
– Martin Buber



Four inches of grey snow, still falling, starts me on my way in the early Maine morning.  Slush and rain follow as the bus travels south from Portland to Boston.  Such bleak days make it easier for me to leave home – to leave friends, family, and my beloved daughters and grandchildren.   

I am looking forward to being nestled in the folds of the deep green mountains of Ecuador.  In the Andes I am nurtured and renewed, physically and spiritually, as has been my experience since I traveled to Machu Picchu in the Peruvian Andes when I was 25.  There is something here that lifts me above myself and takes me beyond the hectic routine of life in the United States.



Arriving at my AirBnB after midnight, I have to remind myself to drink lots of water and to breathe deeply and slowly to try to avoid altitude sickness.  The inn is a quaint place in Tababela that is about five minutes from the Quito Airport and 45 minutes from downtown Quito.  One has to circumvent mountains, valleys and rivers to get from the airport to the city.  There is no direct route ... except as the condor flies.




The first morning is beautiful, clear sun, with luxurious white clouds.  A flock of birds sings me awake. Tababela is a small peaceful town – a half hour walk is sufficient to explore the streets, small stores, and garden park where I sit on a bench to eat an apple and some chifle (chips like potato chips but made from plantain).   
 
I purchase prepaid time for my Ecuadorian SIM card in my phone. Technology has changed SO much since my first trip here at age 17 when it took three to four weeks for a hand-written, airmail letter to go home to the States and another block of time to receive a response.  Now, instantaneously, I can contact those I care about that are half a hemisphere away.



I am annoyed that I do not escape altitude sickness this time but it’s basically just a foggy headache accompanying the following two days of drizzle and downpour rain.  I get to repose, reflect, and reach out to those far away.  Not unexpectedly, my uncle passes early my second morning here. It is also my brother’s birthday.  And it is Inauguration Day. I experience an amalgam of wide-ranging emotions.  It’s a bit of a blessing to do so in my mental fog. 

 

Each day, at breakfast and dinner many boarders pass through the lobby.  Some here just overnight, others for extended stays.  We exchange travel experiences, ideas of moving through and living in Ecuador.  We are temporary friends, kindred spirits.  A young Brit is heading to the seaside to surf and take Spanish language classes.  A couple from Florida are arranging to become ex-pats here and are having a house built near the sea.  Two American twenty-something ladies have just arrived from Cuba and are ready to explore the Andes.  A Canadian mother, with her precocious and adventurous six-year-old daughter, has lived here near ten years, is now single and seeking to return north with her girl and their tiny black dog.  A real estate agent from Charlottesville is exploring options of purchasing property in the southern Ecuadorian mountains after exploring the region’s towns for six years.   
 
We share snippets of travel life, names of lawyers who help foreigners, information about buses and air flights, all around coffee, our included breakfast, or a delicious home-cooked dinner. 

Tonight I fly out – an hour flight south to Cuenca where I meet up to share an apartment with friends from Idaho who I met last year.  After getting settled, I will head outside for a city walk and try to keep up with Dee and Scott.  They do not have to acclimate to the altitude since they live in the Rocky Mountains - as opposed to this coastal gal.  I am certain we will end up at Goza pub for a beer.



Facebook photo album:  2017 Ecuador Photos #1

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Sunday, January 15, 2017

2017 Ecuador * Quiet Adventure Ahead * January 15

“I wandered everywhere, through cities and countries wide. 
And everywhere I went, the world was on my side.” 
~Roman Payne


Wanderlust allows me to stay in one spot only so long.  I feel it is again time to move on to a quiet adventure ahead.  The frigid and gray days in Maine also push me out the door.  My nature craves sunshine .. my depression demands it.

The holiday season has come and gone.  I have read "Without Reservations" by Alice Steinbach.  The images her words create in my imagination tempt me to travel.  Each chapter starts with a note to her other self. 

"Dear Alice,  How odd that a chance meeting with a woman named Letty would add a large piece to the puzzle of how to enjoy life as you grow older.  Letty's found the secret, I think, to staying young.  How?  By responding as a child does:  seeing the world as it is, not as we wish it to be.   Love, Alice"

Quotations and photographs inspire me.  I wish to step out from the norm of my little life, to take these quiet adventures, to know other people and countries and spirits ... to learn a tiny bit of what this amazing World has to offer ... beyond my life-long residency in New England.  

It is delicate at times to leave those I love behind, especially during times of transition ... but one could wait and wait forever to be sure that "nothing will happen" while away.   Things will happen.   Life brings constant change ... those who truly know our heart, know that, regardless of distance, we are always together.


 ˜
 
 

Tuesday, November 01, 2016

2016 * BLOG Published on BoomerCafé.com



​SO EXCITED! My BLOG entry has been PUBLISHED by BoomerCafé.com !! 


Please like and share and ... everything!
Thank you!


~

Friday, October 07, 2016

2016 France * Sensory Input * October 5 & 7

“If  'seeing is believing' what happened to taste, touch, sound and smell ? 
Did our creator really intend to favour sight over the other senses ? 
 I don't believe so.”   ~ Alex Morritt, Impromptu Scribe
 
Chemin de Payenché

Forest primeval. So calm so silent. In the gully not a man made sound can be heard. Not even in the far distance. Some birds chirping, bugs buzzing by, the whisper of a bird's wings as it flies past. Even the gentle final fall of brown leaves from the high tangled trees.  

Green, gray and black the forest. Russet and cocoa the path floor, weak sunlight finding tiny holes to pierce through but not getting far, rarely finding a mark on the ground. Hidden rocks clothed in heavy moss. Tiny yellow leaves curl and dry on the path. 

Dark green English ivy carpets the forest floor and finds its parasitical path up the unsuspecting tree trunks.  Huge brick colored slugs longer and fatter than my finger.  A tiny brown snake slithers away. Unyielding flint stones fill old stream beds. 
 
And the silence overwhelms my ears. 










Périgueux Concert

Commanding, discordant notes within the deep registry of the piano fill the concert hall.  The pianist chronicles the saga of another pianist’s life and, during these moments, the devastating tragedy of war. 

Pascal Amoyel manipulates the keys and strings of the instrument, from the most guttural chords to the most tender, barely discernible notes.  He relates the life of György Cziffra, Hungarian virtuoso pianist and composer;  the music enters our ears and penetrates our soul with the expressive monologue and playing of Pascal:  Early promise of a gifted life, schism and loss during war, eventual rediscovery and triumph.   

“The Pianist with 50 fingers.”  Liszt, Schumann, Gershwin, Chopin, and the powerful “Carillon de Chérence” by Oliver Greif (the first composition mentioned) along with manipulation of the strings with fingers and a rubber mallet reaching within the piano to create the sound of a train.  All these blended within a woven monologue that draws us into this life story.

Transcendent. 








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